Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Cranky Pregnant Lady Venting

**Warning: The following are the rantings of a hormonal woman in need of a good nap.

I have found a few consistent things about being pregnant, some are great and some are downright annoying.

Today I will be listing the annoying things, because that is the kind of mood I am in.

When you are pregnant everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, has something to say to you about it. The funny thing is that the top people on that list are the ones who would logically seem to know the least about it.

The top three offenders:

1. Older women who have not had a baby in upwards of 20 years.

This group has a tendency to tell you every possible horrible thing that happened to them, their cousin, their sister and their dog when it comes to pregnancy and especially childbirth. Half of this group loves to over worry an already fretfully hormonal woman with news of new horrible in utero illnesses and side effects from the world around you.
The other half tells you a lot of "back in my day" stories, inferring that you are silly to follow your doctors stringent food limiting rules etc. because they didn't do that 20 years ago. They also like to tell you that you are doing most everything wrong because that is not how they did it themselves.

2. Younger women who have never had a baby.

This group likes to fill you in on all kinds of advice from who knows where. They like to tell you things like how to keep your baby on a successful schedule and tips on breastfeeding.

3. Men.

This group reacts in many different ways. Some cease talking to you as if you have contracted some contagious disease, and are caught gawking at your freakishly morphing body. Some will go so far as to advise you on what to eat, and more that you would imagine have no problem telling you to be careful about how much weight you gain. Some want to tell you horrible stories about relatives hideous pregnancy and birth experiences.

Notice that women who are pregnant or have recently had children do not make this list. Why? Because they too receive annoying comments and advice from the three above mentioned categories of people, and know better than anyone that you don't want to hear it unless you ask. Advice is ALWAYS annoying unless it has been asked for.

One other pitfall of looking officially pregnant is the constant need for those around you to discuss it with you. Each person thinks they are saying something original, or having a candid moment with you, when really you have heard the same thing seven hundred times already and you are so sick of talking about babies and pregnancy that you are about to freak out!

And my favorite line of all I think comes from category 1. Older women,"You haven't even begun, just wait until (insert random horrible thing here) happens!"

I am over unsolicited advice.

I make a living answering ever ringing annoying phone calls and dealing with unwanted sales people on the phone and in person. So you can imagine that this combined with the above can drive a woman mad.

The worst is when half of my call volume could be gone if people didn't get an obscene amount of calls from family and friends on the work lines.

Mommy needs a nap.

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