The Whining Spot

Winnie the Pooh has his Thinking Spot, I have determined that I have my Whining Spot, and this is it.

It seems that lately all I do on this blog is whine. Wa Wa Wah!

Sorry to all of you people who are looking for something cheerful and cool. But 9mo. perggos in July are rarely cheerful unless they have been told that their doctor will release them from their bloated bondage and mine has not.

We did a NST (non stress test) yesterday, and everything was fine. Then they measured my fluid, and it was up from last time.

So no reasons that could lead me to bully my doc into helping me out.
Baby is content to chill where he is and torture his Mommy.

::Sigh:: (promptly cut off by lack of room for lungs to expand to accommodate a true, full sigh)

This child has been named, but I am reluctant to type it. I don't think most people will like it.

Oh well.

I am pretty sure we are going with Roanan Douglas Dunston. Roan for short. It is Irish-Gaelic for little seal.

Little seals are cute, happy, wiggly, and covered in a layer of fat, just like my baby.

Now, if this fat happy baby would just get the heck outta me, I would whine a lot less.

Burn and Itch

My legs, ankles and feet are so swollen and the skin pulled so tight that it burns as if I have a terrible sunburn.

I have legs that are straight down from the fattest part of my thigh down to my toes with no further definition to show what is a knee, calf or ankle.

I would have to say I have thightoes instead of legs or even cankles.

I am getting stretch marks on the tops of my feet and backs of my knees from all the water retention.

30 days left? You have got to be kidding me.

Somebody save me.

How good are your eyes?

Some people can read these things well. To others, it all looks like a blur.
Due to popular demand, here is a picture of baby Dunston, in all of his fat glory.

Here is the plain picture......
Here is one with a little help.
A plain picture of his chubby forearm and fingers...
Some help for you....

I am excited to see my chunky boy. He looks cute to me. I hope he has rolls on his wrists and knees. Then we will match. :)

I am so hot!

Angelina Jolie is always being qouted about how wonderful and sexy pregnacy is. She is right.

Pregnancy is super sexy. Every time I think I have reached new heights of pregnancy hotness I always am surprised with something more.

Some things that make pregnancy hot:

1.Throw up.
What is better or hotter than a woman who barfs uncontrollably? What man doesn't want to see a woman's meal twice?

2. Incontinence.
Some people like a woman who pees her pants. Wasn't it Adam Sandler who said, "Your not cool unless you pee your pants?"

3.Sweating.
Men like to see a woman all hot and bothered right?

4.Swelling.
What man doesn't like to see a woman in thigh highs? White medical thigh highs that make a woman's legs look like those of the Stay Puft Marshmellow Man. Guys love marshmallows. Plus if you are LDS, the marshmallow look is even more complete with the super sexy underwear.

5.Stretch Marks.
Never stop for directions again, just use the map on your wife's hips! Men love this. They can't get enough of not having to ask for directions. Need to get to the next city? Check out my left thigh. The short cuts are marked in deep purple.

6.Getting out of bed.
What man doesn't like to feel strong and powerful. And what better way to feel that than tugging your nearly two hundred pound bloated woman in and out of beds, chairs and cars! Makes a man feel strong!

Maybe her thoughts on the beauty of pregnancy have something to do with the fact that she has millions of dollars, and beautiful big house, no worries, several nannies, a personal trainer, personal chef, a post C-Section tummy tuck and lipo, not to mention Brad Pitt.

Nah, I think its the stretch marks.

My Big Cheeky Baby

This baby is about 6 pounds this week. My doctor says I am for sure only 31 weeks and 4 days. So I have an enormous baby. There is nothing wrong with him, or me, he is just huge.
Some people give birth to babies this big, full term. Not me. I still have eight weeks to go. That TWO months.
I don't know how he can continue to to gain a 1/2 pound a week for the next two months. That is another 4 pounds.
The doctor says my baby could easily be a 10-11 pound baby.
For a first baby? That is crazy!

My questions:

1. Where will the skin come from to cover another 4 pounds worth of baby? I am pulled tighter than a drum right now!

2. Where the heck will the baby fit in there? He is already clear up in my ribs, making himself know with super strong karate kicks to the lungs.

3. What will I do with this massive body I have become for the next two months? I can't sit and breathe and I can't lay down all day or I will go nuts. And, once I am laying down, it takes about a full min. to get back up.

4. How will anything get clean? I can't reach the floor to pick up anything for the life of me, and forget pulling stuff out of the dryer, let alone putting stuff in the bottom two dresser drawers or bottom dishwasher rack.

5. How will I survive the heat of July? I know that people have been pregnant in the summer and it has been miserable, but how many people what been this utterly huge during the heat of July? I mean, I feel like few women will understand just how big I feel. I am going to be a size that most women never have to get to. Let alone with their first baby. I am already the size of most full term women, with eight weeks left!

Here is the doctors plan.
If I go into labor early on my own, that is fine. He will let me try to push out the baby on my own. But he will only let me try for an hour before he calls C-Section. Who knows. Maybe I have a huge pelvis to go with my huge baby. Maybe the baby is a bit smaller than the Ultrasound says, and I get him out with not problem. This is what I hope happens.
If I don't go into labor before 39 weeks (July 20th) he will do a scheduled C-Section.

All I know is, I am not wasting my money on newborn sizes. I am going straight for the 0-3 month, and hoping that those aren't too small.

I am so freaked out by hospital, needles, catheters, and wounds. How the hell am I going to :

A. Get an epidural when I am not in current pain. I can see it if I am in horrible labor pains and I know it is going to make me feel all better. But the thought of feeling just fine and happily plopping down of my own free will to have a six inch needle inserted into my spine is just not acceptable. How do I know this guy with the needle knows what he is doing?

B. How am I going to lay on an operating table, knowing my guts are open while I am awake. Hearing and smelling everything that is going on? I will be a total wreck. I am not equipped to handle that without totally hyperventilating, barfing my guts out (the ones that are not already on the operating table) and then passing out cold.

C. How am I going to go home with a gaping wound and a new baby that I want to nurse.

I know am being a wuss, and that people have C-sections all the time, but don't judge me. Just humor me. I am terrified of hospitals.

Depressed

So my doctor says that he is not going to change my due date after all. Such a male. He has obviously never had a six pound creature living amidst his bowls.

If you think about it pregnancy is really freaking weird.

I mean, you grow to the size and shape of a mamoth sea walrus. Your skin begins to take on the look and texture of a 3-D road map. Your face bloats, and you gain a few extra chins.

You either can't pee, or can't stop peeing.

Ugh.

I thought I was almost done.

A bit of a jump....

I went in for an Ultrasound on Monday. The doctor wanted to know why in the heck I was measuring so big.
My last ultrasound placed me three weeks ahead of where I was supposed to be in the babies size. This one placed me four weeks ahead.
We are not sure how the dates got an entire month off, but the Ultrasound tech said she for sure thinks I am 34 weeks instead of 30, based on the two Ultrasounds.
Everything is normal, and fine and healthy. No diabetes, and the baby looks great.
He has cheeks and forearms so chubby we could see it in the pictures. Cute.
Chunky babies are by far the cutest.
So I am going to the doc again next Tuesday, and hopefully he has mercy on me and officially changes my dates to somewhere around June 30 instead of the original July 21.
I have changed the tickers on this page to reflect the moved up date.
It is crazy to lose a whole month of prep time in only a couple of mins.

Some Picture Updates

Mom is going to be a little irritated that there are no baby shower pictures on here. I grabbed the wrong memory card, so we are just going to have to settle for some random photos from over the last few weeks.





So here I am going green, with my fabric Target shopping totes. I actually use these every time I go to Target. It was weird at first because the Utah cashiers are not used to these like they are in California. I am glad to not waste so many garbage bags. Plus they are cute.





And yes, that is my super sexy double chin, that I have been blessed with, in all of its amped up pregnant glory. I am trying to get over it.....





John decided to set up the crib about a week ago, and of course the dogs were in the middle of it. They, like children, seemed to LOVE the box.


Here they are lounging. Max is getting fat, he is up to 80 pounds. I feel better knowing I am not the only one.

Here is the nursery, starting to take shape. Don't worry, I am not leaving that changing table next to the window, well unless I happen to get a really fussy baby. Just kidding Mom, geeze. It is moving to the other side of the room. Next to the solid wall.

Okay, now lets see how much I have grown. Here I am at 17 weeks. This is around the beginning of February. I remember thinking, "Wow, I actually look pregnant!" Yeah, well I didn't know how fast I would look HUGE!

So, here I am at 29 weeks, about two weeks ago. And would you believe me if I told you, I am already even bigger!? This shirt actually is making me look small.

I am officially huge.

There is a point when you go from cute pregnant to huge pregnant. That point has been reached. Today I crushed a small BYU student.
I am officially huge.
John and I went to the doctor today, and followed up our appointment (which was fine by the way) with lunch at a place called Jason's Deli. I love their fruit salad, and veggie sandwiches, but most of all their carrot cake. Yeah, I ordered all of that today.

You need to know one thing about this restaurant. The booths are made up of benches and tables that are not attached to the floor or wall, so they move a little now and then.

I was working my way out of the booth, which takes some doing, and when I finally got up the entire bench slid. Unfortunately there was a 100lb. female BYU student having lunch with her Dad behind me, and she was suddenly pinned between her table and the rouge bench.

She and her Dad looked mad, and offended. I would be too. Then I turned fully around to apologise and they saw my "condition". Her Dad giggled as I tried to apologise and run away as fast as possible.

I crushed another person. I had no idea I had become this massive. Oh dear.

John of course thought it was highly entertaining.

I am mortified.

Baby Bedding Fabric

Baby bedding is expensive! Holy heck, it is anywere from $180-$350 for a cute set. I don't even spend that much on my own bed, let alone a tiny little bed that someone is going to barf and do worse to on a regular basis.

So I put on my crafty hat this weekend and went to the fabric store. I scored! I got a $17 pattern for $0.99. I got $9.00 a yard fabric for $5.00 a yard! Woohoo! And it is cuter than anything I have seen. The problem is that I haven't used a pattern for years, so I am going home to California at the end of the month so my Mom can help me. I am making a quilt, bumpers, a crib skirt and some throw pillows for my rocker. All I need now are a few sets of sheets and this crib will be ready to go. By the way, I know it looks like that is yellow in there, but it is really a spring green, the same color as the accent wall in the nursery. Maybe I will paint a sprig of these leaves on the wall in the nursery. Crafty!

By the way, I just got the new Janet Jackson CD. It is the best she has done in YEARS. Just, if you are pregnant, try not to dance to it in front of other people.....

It just looks silly.

Those people....

You know those people who bite their nails? Disgusting isn't it? Well unitl very recently, I am ashamed to say that I was one of those people. I know. That is so nasty. Imagine the germs! Well, I am proud to declare that I have quit biting! (Again) This time my reson is really funny. It is not that I don't want to bite my nails, it's that I can't. The vitamins I have to take for this pregnacy have thickened my nails to the point where my perfectly straight teeth cannot bite them. So I have given up! Yay for disgusting formerly nail biting me!



And now for something completley differnt. No really, as in the DVD titles "And Now For Something Completley Differnt". I found this little gem at F.Y.E yesterday, and have been laughing since I bought it. It is 28 of the best skits from Monty Pythons Flying Circus. You have got to get this DVD.

Wow, what a husband.

I stress about everything. I mean EVERYTHING. I also prepare myself needlessly for things way in advance. This baby thing is no different.
I hate being half way (yeah I know some of you are laughing and saying "That's right, ONLY half way.") and not having anything done. It stresses me out. I don't want to be doing these errands in the heat of the summer, when I am the size of a blimp.
This brings us to husband numero uno. The best there is. John.
He went to BabiesRUs yesterday, alone, and spent 4 hours comparing a wide range of major purchases. He gets into details that I just don't have the patients for. He compares things with the sales staff and Internet reviews for hours. It is great as long as I don't have to sit through it.
Anyway, he literally spent 4 hours in what I would consider man hell.
He not only made all the decisions, which I love, but he even ordered a custom rocker for me. He looked at fabric swatches, and compared their durability and stain resistance! If I didn't know better, that kind of activity would make him almost gay! Bless him! He is my hero.
I showed up to the store after work, and he showed me everything before the final purchase, and then loaded it up and brought most of it home!
I am so in love. He is the best ever.
So I bet you want to know what he got me huh? Well, it was all the big stuff, so here goes:

So here we have the chair. Now it may look like most chairs, but let me tell you. It is soooo not. It does a ton of stuff, but most important, this bad boy reclines, and then still rocks while reclining! The heck you say! Plus, unlike cheap imitations this thing is like sitting on a cloud. It is like laying in a bed. It is so comfortable. Good thing too, cause it is said I will be practically living and sleeping in it while feeding a hungry newborn. John customized it with a cream/brown microfiber fabric. Get this, he chose the microfiber for its stain resistance, and the color because it can hide stains! What kind of guy knows this stuff!? He also got me a matching glider stool with a special pull out feature for you feet, it is supped to make breastfeeding easier and more comfortable! What a guy.


This one cracks me up. He is so worried about babies little bum on the car seat being cozy and comfy, that he picked out this cute little thing called the Snuzzler.

He the researched cribs with the sales staff for who knows how long, and chose this one, with a lifetime warranty. It also converts into a toddler bed and then full size bed. He shoock the crap out of the sales floor display to make sure it would hold up to a Dunston baby. He looked crazy. But any man alone in BabiesRUs for that long looks a little crazy anyway.

Matching, Dunston proof changing table. John chose it for the ample storage space, and tie down strap for the anticipated "wild" baby.
This one he spent who knows how long on. He needed to find the toughest, manliest stroller there is. He found it, and even knows the safety ratings, and how many pounds the carrier can hold. Ours is khaki and orange, Johns favorite colors. :)
He also insited on a video monitor. Electronics. He compared monitors forever. He loved the cool features on this one. All I know is that it works. He could probably tell you 10 cool features it has. I just like that the camera is cute and not creepy. I almost want to put little animal ears on it.
Our favorite item of them all is this. It is called the SweetPeace. John likes it because it looks like it has enough padding for baby bums, and because it rocks like moms really do, side to side. He also like the teething ring, must most of all the fact that is has an MP3 player jack and speaker. I know.

I like it cause it is so tall the dogs can't lick the baby.


Well, there you have it. We bought all of the big stuff. John is the man. I love him dearly and I feel so much better now that things are getting done. I know, I am neurotic. But thank goodness he likes me enough to do this kind of thing anyway. I think I will keep him.

Time for the fun part! Shopping!

Okay all of you experienced people. What is your number one life saving baby item? Please post a comment and let me know.
Also, what did you find as totally essential?
I have to get ready for this baby and I am stumped as to where to start!
If you know of any cool bedding or anything for boys, let me know where I can find that on the web too.
I am a little lost when it comes to boys, my family has always done girls.
Last night it occurred to me, that I am likely to get hosed more than once during diaper changes, and have to worry about not only a soar little umbilical cord wound, but circumcision care as well.
My poor little boy, get squeezed the heck out of on his way out, and being greeted by having two pieces of flesh chopped off first thing. So sad for his momma. I don't want to hear his sad little cries when they do it. :(
Also, people I need names! I am at a loss. I never REALLY thought I would be naming a boy.

It's a Boy!

Baby Pictures!
We have a baby boy in there and I am so excited. I will gel his hair and dress him up. It will be so fun!
They say I am 18 weeks and 4 days, but the baby measures at 21 weeks and 4 days! Yikes. He is a big one.
He is also so busy in there, we had a little trouble getting all the pictures we needed of him.
He is healthy and big and STRONG! He is always kicking the heck out of me.
A boy! Now the shopping begins.
By the way, this kid is causing me some major heartburn! I have never had it before, so I dind't know what was wrong with me for the longest time.
This baby better com out early or I am screwed.

19 weeks and I feel like an Airport!

You know you are getting into the nity gity of pregnancy when you start to feel like an international airport.

I have a dark line down the middle of my belly now. I showed it to John and he said it looks like a landing strip.

Landing strip?

LANDING STRIP!

Does this man value his life?

He is right. It does look like a landing strip.

Then I noticed I am also developing practically neon signs that say "Food court here."
All I need now if for a little man in orange to jump out of my shallow belly button, slap a couple air traffic lights on my expanding butt and start directing traffic with mini orange flags. There are plenty of people to direct too. Nurses, Doctors, Ultasound techs, and their numbers are only going to climb.

Another new development in the world of pregnancy is that I am no longer allowed to wear hi-heels to work. That's right. Husband has chucked them all out after I popped the straps off a pair on Friday. My feet were so swollen that My little Mary Jane's literally burst their buttons.

I have what I have been dreading the most. Cankles. Those are ankles the same thickness as your calf.

They were so puffy that I couldn't stand up straight because the tops of my feet were crushing against the front of my shins.

John had to rub the puffiness out for a full hour before the sausages at the bottom of my legs started to resemble ankles and feet again.

I had to buy new flats for work, and then spent an hour re-hemming all of my pants for flats.

I am a big fan of heels. I think they thin me out. Give me a little height. I have all of my work slacks hemmed for 5 inch heels. It was so sad to cut five full inches of fabric off them all. I could have made a freaking quilt with all the fabric.

Now I will not only have to be a round pregnant woman, but a short and stumpy one too.

By the way, baby is the size of a Grapefruit and my uterus is the size of a Cantaloupe. We will find out tomorrow what this baby is.....
Now I am going to go eat some fruit. All of analogies are making me hungry.

Your time is running out.

I will find out the gender of this baby in less than 2 weeks, so get your votes in and place your bets.

The Bump.

Okay, due to popular demand I have posted a belly shot. No, we will not be seeing the full "bare" monty this time. Sorry. I am, however going to be providing belly button progression shots soon. I should have started sooner on taking these pictures. Dang it.
Here is the bump at 17 weeks. Almost half way.

Now I know that I have almighty photoshop powers and have been know to "adjust" my chubs in pictures past. I want you to know that this is honestly what I look like. I did not tweak anything but the color. That is right. Not even the chubby cheeks. I was tempted. But I was lazy.

So.....do I really look pregnant?

I still feel like I just look like a fatty.

John felt baby B kick him last night for the first time.

I was feeling some action in there (dancing, as I like to call it) but thought there was no way anyone else could tell yet. But John has been excited to feel sonething so I told him to smash his hand onto one spot and hold his breath. Almost right away we both felt something. It was the biggest kick I have felt yet. John was so excited.

He said, "Was that you!?"

"Nope, that was baby B.", said I.

By the way. Check out the jeans I am wearing in this shot.

These are the sweetest maternity jeans ever. I tried on several pairs, and this is the winner. $24.99 at Target. God bless them.

All the other ones made me look like a soccer mom with a huge arse and thighs! A couple pairs actually made me cry.

But these beauties rule! They have an elastic waist band like jeans for little kids and sit below the bump. That is the key. Those jeans with the band that sits on the bump suck. They make you look huge because the fabric goes straight down from the fatest part of your bump, expanding the look of your belly, butt and thighs in one shot. Horrible.

First Offical Belly Rub By a Stranger.

Yesterday I decided I needed a plant. Something hearty, and lot likley to die. I went to Sun River Gardens, the most wonderful and cute garden store in the valley. They have everything, and they know everything.
As soon as I walked in this cute older lady cam almost running up to me, and asked how she could help me. I told her I needed an indestrucatble plant that I could abuse and it would survive.
She showed me like ten plants, and told me how to care for each one, then helped me pick out a sutable pot.
I couldn't figure out why she was so excited to help me. There were plently of other people there, and nobody was getting this kind of service but me.
Then she touched my stomach and said, "Your nesting, aren't you?"
For a second I couldn't figure out what she was talking about. I forgot that I was pregnant. Then I realized why she had been so helpful.
I thought I would hate it if people touched me, but it made this little lady so happy that it didn't bother me at all.
Well, I guess I am offically showing, if strangers are now helping me extra and trying to touch me.
So funny.
For my entire life I have had a belly button the depth of a black hole. I have never seen the back of it.
The other day I looke down and saw that it has suddenly become quite shallow, and a large area at the back is perfeclt visable. It looks like someone else's belly button! Not mine! Well at least now I can clean it out. :)
I also have stared to get that dark line on my stomache. Freaky.
I don't know about all of this.
Well at least I have a cool new house plant.

Rubber Ducky, Your the One!

Ernie and Bert would be proud. This baby has now achieved the size of your standard rubber ducky. Too bad he doesn't make "bathtime so much fun" since I am not really allowed to take my favorite scalding hot baths anymore.

Baby can now have the the hiccups, which I will eventually be able to see and feel by the sixth month.

Baby also has the ability to test out facial expressions like squinting frowning and smirking. These expressions will all come in handy when baby is able to hear my humorless jokes. John calls them "Rachel Jokes" because they are only funny to me. And I mean, REALLY funny to me. I can get myself rolling about the dumbest joke, and I don't care if anyone else thinks it is at all entertaining.

What is really freaking me out though is that is would be a challenge to get this Rubber Ducky out, and he has not even reached the half way point on the size he will achieve.

I dunno about all this.

Sleeping on the tummy is totally out now. And the other day at Target some college age girls we smiling and pointing a little at the "cute pregnant lady" which turned out to be me!

Weird.

Cranky Pregnant Lady Venting

**Warning: The following are the rantings of a hormonal woman in need of a good nap.

I have found a few consistent things about being pregnant, some are great and some are downright annoying.

Today I will be listing the annoying things, because that is the kind of mood I am in.

When you are pregnant everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, has something to say to you about it. The funny thing is that the top people on that list are the ones who would logically seem to know the least about it.

The top three offenders:

1. Older women who have not had a baby in upwards of 20 years.

This group has a tendency to tell you every possible horrible thing that happened to them, their cousin, their sister and their dog when it comes to pregnancy and especially childbirth. Half of this group loves to over worry an already fretfully hormonal woman with news of new horrible in utero illnesses and side effects from the world around you.
The other half tells you a lot of "back in my day" stories, inferring that you are silly to follow your doctors stringent food limiting rules etc. because they didn't do that 20 years ago. They also like to tell you that you are doing most everything wrong because that is not how they did it themselves.

2. Younger women who have never had a baby.

This group likes to fill you in on all kinds of advice from who knows where. They like to tell you things like how to keep your baby on a successful schedule and tips on breastfeeding.

3. Men.

This group reacts in many different ways. Some cease talking to you as if you have contracted some contagious disease, and are caught gawking at your freakishly morphing body. Some will go so far as to advise you on what to eat, and more that you would imagine have no problem telling you to be careful about how much weight you gain. Some want to tell you horrible stories about relatives hideous pregnancy and birth experiences.

Notice that women who are pregnant or have recently had children do not make this list. Why? Because they too receive annoying comments and advice from the three above mentioned categories of people, and know better than anyone that you don't want to hear it unless you ask. Advice is ALWAYS annoying unless it has been asked for.

One other pitfall of looking officially pregnant is the constant need for those around you to discuss it with you. Each person thinks they are saying something original, or having a candid moment with you, when really you have heard the same thing seven hundred times already and you are so sick of talking about babies and pregnancy that you are about to freak out!

And my favorite line of all I think comes from category 1. Older women,"You haven't even begun, just wait until (insert random horrible thing here) happens!"

I am over unsolicited advice.

I make a living answering ever ringing annoying phone calls and dealing with unwanted sales people on the phone and in person. So you can imagine that this combined with the above can drive a woman mad.

The worst is when half of my call volume could be gone if people didn't get an obscene amount of calls from family and friends on the work lines.

Mommy needs a nap.