Noticed a Theme

Okay, how come none of you told me that I post something bathroom related about three times a month?

Anyhoo....

An update on the iPod. John managed to shove it clear through to the sewer, and the Roto Rooter man left us with his seal of approval, and no bill. The toilet has not worked this well in years. A new iPod is probably cheaper than the Roto Rooter man anyway! Hurray. I now must have a small funeral for MY iPod, which is already subtly changed ownership to my husband. Oh well. I got it to use at the gym, like that is actually happening! HA!

Have you ever been to a Orem/Provo Golds Gym? Forget it. All the girls there are super fit Zoobies who only show up for an excuse to wear skimpy workout gear and search for marriage partners. None of them even break a sweat (or need to, the skinny little....)

Not a place for a sweaty knocked up woman. Although I should go. I could be a sweaty beacon of warning to young people everywhere. "Be careful, THIS could happen to YOU!"

I got my first Mother's Day present today, a little early. John got me a Wii!
Wii!
I just like to say, Wii!
It reminds me of the knights who all too recently said Nih! (If you don't know what that means, you should be ashamed of yourself. Go ask the nerd in your life. They should be able to clarify for you. Shame.)
I shall say Nih! unto you.
Nih!
Wii!

Okay, enough. So I am really excited to play it. I wanted to take a "sick day" from work to sleep in and play with the Wii, but I was a responsible adult, and came into work anyway.

Go me.

Wii!

I know, I am awesome.

Toilet Talk

If you have been to my house, and used the "facilities" you know that my bathroom throne has not had a lid for the last five years despite a lot of nagging to have it replaced.
I knew one day the importance of this would hit, and a new lid would be installed.
That day has come, and it is going to be expensive.
Here is a conversation I had with John via cell phone:

John: Hello, this is John
Me: Why are you whispering like someone died?
John: I am just trying not to have a nervous breakdown.
Me: Why? What happened?
John: I think I flushed my iPod down the toilet.
(John LOVES his iPod, it is like an extension of his body, thus the reason it accompanied him to the restroom.)
Me:How did you do that?
John: I set it on the back of the toilet, later flushed, and turned to wash my hands. When I looked back my iPod was gone. It is not in the bathroom anywhere, and I know it was just here.
Me: Well, I bet now you see the importance of a toilet lid.
John: Honey, not right now....
Me: Well stick your hand in an fish around.
(John pauses, stuffing his hand into a toilet. Gross)
John: My hand is too big, you will have to try when you get home.
Me: Great.

I am so looking forward to stuffing my hand down a toilet, to fish for a $150.00 iPod, then finding that I cant get it and spending $300.00 on a plumber.

Good times.

Who takes their iPod to the bathroom? John does.

Of all the gifts a toilet sees over the years, this one has got to be it's favorite. So here's to the toilet and it's fabulous gift of music. It is the least we can do after all of its years of faithful service.

An evening full of pee.

I have a little Aussie dog, who is too curious for her own good. She is always in the middle of what you are trying to do, and last night she got some consequences for it.
Little Izzy has a preference for toilet water. Her bowl could be full of fresh icy water and she will still choose the toilet.
Last night, before bed, John was using the facilities with the light off and the door open, while I was brushing my teeth. Yes, we are THAT married and THAT gross. Anyway, little Izzy, being involved in everything as usual, decided that the bathroom was the place to be. Not seeing that John was peeing, she stuck her head under the stream to try for a drink.
Needless to say, she got pee all over her head.
It was the damn funniest thing I ever saw!
She freaked out and bolted while I howled with laughter. We then had to chase her around the house, so we could give her head a good washing.
I laughed hysterically for nearly an hour.
I guess she did not appreciate being the laughed at. This morning as I went to take her and Max out for their morning potty break I stepped in an icy cold pee puddle, with bare feet at the back door. She must have set that up last thing before bed last night.
As is the saying, "Revenge is a dish (or in this case, puddle) best served cold."

Violated!

I went up to my economic boon, Ikea, this weekend. I got a bunch of stuff. I think I am nesting big time, because on Saturday night I had the energy to clean the living room, kitchen and unused bedroom until 1:00am with Hubby. I was on a roll. Cleaning, not just doing a tidy. We are talking baseboards, windows, mopping, wiping all possible dust surfaces etc. I also built a coffee table and made dinner! Freaky, I know!

I was freaking out about my big scary coffee table and it's baby unfriendly corners, so I got this one at Ikea. I kept thinking of baby using it to practice standing and then smashing his face open on a corner.

Since being preggers I have not had the energy to wipe my own bum, but I guess I am nesting. I have super nesting strength! (Enter super hero voice echo and trumpets here)

Anyway, on to the reason you all thought "Holy heck, I must read THIS blog entry!", the title. Yes, I was violated. By an eight year old perverted girl in the Ikea bathroom!

I was trained never to sit on a public toilet seat. Thanks to my Mom, I still "squat" over them. A little too much info? Too bad.

Anyway, so I am squatting in the lovely Ikea bathroom, and I notice a little pair of shoes at the bottom of my stall door. I look up and there is a huge blue eye looking through the crack at me.

My worst nightmare! I know we all hate those stall door cracks and wonder if people can see us, but I never thought that someone would use one to purposefully spy on me as I squatted in all of my pants down pregnant glory!

I figured, it was just a kid, and maybe she was confused about there being someone in the stall she wanted to use, so I said, "Hello?"

Most kids would startle at being caught, or realize to try another stall, but no this pervert.

She stayed, and kept staring!

So I said, "HELLO!?" again but in a really rude voice this time. She just cracked a smile as she continued to stare.

Finally I heard her Mom come in a yell, "Gracie!" and she disappeared.

Pervert child! I felt so wronged! I have a feeling by the way her Mom yelled at her that she has done this before.

On to something else.....



So this one is for my Mom, she loves the size comparisons. This week Baby B is the size of a 5lb bag of flour, though he only weighs about two pounds. His ears are fully developed so he can hear me jabbering on at work all day. When I stop talking he wakes up and does some dance moves. He is super busy in there, and starting to put on enough of a show that people can see him moving even through my shirts.

Freaky.

(Look at me promoting local businesses!)

My Mom, and Sisters threw me a baby shower last weekend when I went home to Cali. They are the best. I love them. They put so much work into it, and they all got me the cutest baby things! Pictures of that one to come soon! I have to edit out all my extra chins first.

Can I just say, God bless the DVR!?

This weekend was General Conference, and I cannot stand to sit through the entire thing. First of all, I have to get up early to watch it (yes, I said early and I know that makes some of you early birds sick) and then you just fall asleep to it, or at least John and I do.

So I recorded it with my DVR. Now I can skip all the songs, and watch it in small pieces over the week! So cool!