NOT ALVIN!

This weekend I went to see a movie and I saw this horror sitting smugly in the lobby of the theater.

I mean, what the heck is this? Since when are the chipmunks little ugly thugs? They look more like a bad Run DMC cover band than Alvin and the chipmunks! Alvin is a trouble maker, but not a low hood wearing idiot! He is a high style 80's fashion and music icon! He is my first love!

Alvin, what have they done to you?

Look at Simon! He is supposed to be a lovable genius, with big round glasses. Why is he wearing a track suit, and sunglasses? Is he pretending to be average, just to fit in? Sacrificing his ample brain power to corporate whims!

And dear sweet, cupcake making Theodore. He looks like he is now a regular customer of McDonald's. McDonald's in the projects! Smiling all deviously! I am surprised he doesn't have some thug gold teeth in there to complete the look.

Last but not least, why does David Seville look like he just had a chipmunk bite him in the butt? I have never seen a more angry and ominous Dave in all my years as an Alvin fan.

Upset, and disappointed, I searched for more Chipmunk images on the web. I found this:

Slightly better, but still not good. Why do the chipmunks look like they just hid David Seville's body in the trunk of a car?

Traditionally Simon should be smiling and Theodore looking a little confused with a cupcake stuffed in his mouth, while Alvin smiles with a touch too much confidence.

But this? This is unacceptable.

Simon, is looking actually scary. Simon! What the heck!

I

am

shattered.

This is what the Chipmunks should look like!

What is next, the Chipettets dressing as the mini adult women, wearing much too little clothing and much too much make-up because of the over sexualization of young girls in American society?

Do, Do, do do do do, Do Do, dododo!